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I brought alfie on a walk with papa but when we reached the canal and papa went off on his own to brisk walk alfie just completely stopped and refused to budge for like 15 mins once he was out of sight. i just stood there coaxing him and trying to get him to move but he stubbornly stayed still but when papa came back he immediately started walking like nothing happened.

Idk why im crying so hard im actually crying a lot harder than i have any time in the past few months i feel stupid for crying over a dumb thing.

I guess im upset that all my efforts were just a waste of time and i might as well not even have been the one bringing him on walks because he doesnt even listen to me or look at me. He doesnt even care that im there. Why am i the only one trying to train him when it takes me 20x the effort compred to the ppl he listens to.

I dont know what im doing wrong, i feel like no matter what i do or how much time i spend with him he will never like me

My presentation went well!!!!!

I stumbled and didn’t speak as smoothly as I did when I was practicing but somehow I still feel good about it.

I rehearsed a decent amount and it helped calm my nerves a lot.

No matter how prepared I am, somehow during the lead up to presentations and during the presentation itself I always get sweaty and my face flares up, and my hands and voice can’t stop shaking.

This morning when Papa dropped me off at school he said that having the posture of a confident person and smiling helps, and it really does.

One day of school left…….

mini fostering update

sp//ca approved my fostering application but has no animals atm that need fostering but idk why getting that response just deflated me i feel so dejected now just kick me into a ditch

i guess i expected the process to move along quickly once my application was approved but I realise that was presumptuous of me. i didnt even think that they may not have animals in their care that need to be fostered at the moment.

a couple of days ago i also applied at S///OSD, but it might be a while before I hear from them.

i feel so inadequate applying for fostering i have this sick feeling they wont want me when they meet me because they’ll find some faults and shortcomings that make me incompetent as a caregiver…..im so upset just thinking bout it even though there’s no empirical evidence that i’m being dismissed from their (spc//a and s///osd) considerations

i hate wanting something so much but at the same time feeling like im not good enough for it

 

mini fostering update

Dont wanna j*nx it but my skin has gotten a lot better in the past 2 months but i think it’s so subtle i’m the only one who notices it :l

My forehead and temples used to have lots of those small skin coloured bumps and i’d always be picking at them which would leave behind dark spots after healing. Now the texture of my forehead is smooth and the dark scars really lightened up.

I stuck to a skincare routine and used a bunch of new skincare products at once and switched up a bit here and there so I’m not certain which are the exact ones that helped me best but based on how the product makes my skin feel i have a pretty good idea which were the more effective/suitable ones for my skin type/issues.

I still get pimples and always have a few at any one time so that’s unfortunate… It’s probably what I’m eating that’s causing it. Everyday is a new start to try being as animal product-free as possible. So far in 2018 I’ve only been successful for one day 😦 But I’m only eating small amounts of meat most days, so I’m getting better at making it a habit.

But the good things is I don’t pick at my pimples anymore. I have products I can use to dry them out so when I do that it makes me feel like I’m doing something to combat it and that makes it less tempting to just scratch at it and get rid of it.

Last week of school starts tomorrow!!!!!! Can’t wait for all of it to be over. I can’t believe it’s been almost one and a half yrs since I came back from Sydney.

I have a presentation on Thursday but I’m feeling pretty ok about it surprisingly? Maybe it’s just denial.